Stanzas 1: Armored

Stanzas 1: Armored

My first forays into creative writing were as an angsty teenager, when I discovered poetry and lyric writing as a valuable release for the pent up emotion, frustration and confusion that my fourteen-year-old self was muddling through. I’ve always been very private with the writing I did during those times, but recently reread some of those old pieces and thought they deserved to be shared. So I’ve decided to periodically post some here on the blog, under the Stanzas label, along with the backstory that inspired them. I’m starting with one that’s very personal to me. I wrote it in 1997, when I was seventeen, and it perfectly describes where I was at that time in my life. It’s called Armored.

Armored
Another night and I’m
Sleeping armored,
Trying hard to feel
Safe inside.
Morning light and there
Is no comfort
From those demons
Inside of my mind.
 
Building walls and
Closing windows,
Mere attempts to keep
Wolves at bay,
Where I can’t hear their
Weak works of wisdom,
Where I can’t listen
To the things that they say.
 
I cry tears and
Sit in the corner,
Still waiting
For the memories to fall.
Does the sun shine?
Does the moon rise?
I don’t remember
The world at all.
 
For days are years now
And it’s still with me.
I cannot hide but
Only shiver in fear.
The words echo
In my mind and
I can’t stop thinking
It’s my own voice I hear.
 
Why are these walls so
High around me?
Why am I armored
When it’s me I’m hiding from?
Now I’m trapped here,
Sealed forever,
And from myself
There is nowhere I can run.

 

While I haven't added to it in years, I've kept all these pieces compiled under the title Unarmored, in reference to this piece and the fact that, as a whole, they lay bare who I really am/was/will be. Reading this one now, at 34, I can honestly say that life is better without so much armor. I hope you liked this. More to come…

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